HOW THOUGHTS, BELIEFS & EMOTIONS INFLUENCE YOUR LIFE
If you observe the chart below and follow the green process you'll see that as differing aspects of our life (work, money, relationships etc.) interact with us it causes us to have thoughts about those situations, those thoughts are subsequently compared with the beliefs we have about ourself (some may be true,however, many are false or completely out of date).
If our beliefs are positive and based in good self-esteem we tend to have good (or at least) positive or neutral emotions and these motivate us to take whatever action is necessary. As we know, those who take action are far more likely to get results - some good and some bad, however, because they have high self-esteem, even the bad results, to them, are just an opportunity to learn.
So, the good results continually confirm that they are OK and gently confirms the notion that their way of thinking (and they are) OK, and that they will be OK with whatever life decides to serve them up with. This is a calm and productive place to live, where you have enough motivation and self-worth to be productive and therefore feel that your contribution to life is worthwhile.
RECOGNISE WHEN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS HOOK YOU
Now, this time, follow the red route around the circle of emotions. This is the typical thinking cycle of a person suffering from anxiety, stress, worry, fear or who are just stuck in a rut.
They tend to have more negative thoughts running through their minds, these tend to have their roots based in the old self beliefs the person has about themselves, for example:
* "I'm not good enough, tall enough, funny enough, pretty enough... whatever enough"
* "I can't do that..."
* "There's no point even trying..."
* "This always happens to me...."
* "It's not fair...."
* "What if it goes wrong...."
* "What if they don't like me...."
* "What if I embarrass myself..."
* "I can't say no to people...."
* "They are better than me..."
* "Who would want to be with me..."
* "Who would love me..."
* "I can't believe they want to stay with me..."
* "I don't think i'll ever stop feeling anxious..."
These beliefs feel true, however, they are probably not true. Even if they are true there is no logical reason why you should let them ruin your life - all these statements are looking towards other people for confirmation of being good enough or using others as a reference to compare yourself against. It is time to stop looking externally for proof of your worth and time to start changing the way you talk to yourself and time to stop believing the non-stop scary voices in your mind.
1. YOUR THOUGHTS GENERATE YOUR EMOTIONS
The thoughts and stories that race around our mind generate our emotions. It really is as simple as that. Good thoughts about good stories and we feel good, bad thoughts about bad stories and we feel bad!
So, the name of the game is "switching tracks" - jumping from the red path to the green path, and the way you do that is by focusing on the three red highlighted cells.
1. Recognising & changing old out of date self beliefs
Understand that our beliefs were formed when we were young - they were things we learned as we grew up, from parents, teachers, religion, school etc. Very often they were somebody else's beliefs or beliefs that were only meant to be used as a child. Like "don't talk to strangers" that is a good belief for a child, yet a restrictive belief for an adult, especially if you are trying to date.
So many of these self-beliefs operate under the radar cloaked by stories like "well, it's just the way I am" or "I'm just not very good at that." When you go looking for them you can see they are feeble cover up stories generated by the ego and often they are aspects of yourself that you might feel uncomfortable exploring.
When you are ready for personal growth or more specifically, emotional growth, you'll recognise that these self limiting beliefs are flawed, out of date and jsut not true! Sure, you may need to learn some new things, however, that can be
2. BECOMING COMFORTABLE WITH EMOTIONS
Emotions are just emotions - they are feelings that have a story wrapped around them, that keeps on fuelling them. Learning to lean into the fear and being OK with feeling emotions is key to breaking the old cycle. It is the old out of date stories in our mind and the repetitive emotions they provoke that need to be interrupted. Realising that a feeling is just a feeling, it won't kill you. As you befriend emotions it allows you to just be with them, experience them, and let them pass, without getting tangled up in fear or the never ending internal dialogue that surrounds them.
By paying attention to your emotions you can begin to see which emotions are coming to you from an external source - "THEY make me so angry." Or an internal source "I'LL never be able to do that.." I teach people how to let go of the need for external validation and change the internal point of view to one of love and acceptance.
3. TAKE ACTION AND KEEP LEARNING BY DOING
So often, people who suffer from anxiety try to avoid certain situations or circumstances that make them feel uncomfortable, of course, this is understandable, however, it means they are trapped and they keep on getting the same old results or keep mulling ideas over and over in their minds (otherwise known as procrastination.) Becoming more active and decisive (even though it feels uncomfortable) is key to breaking free from this cycle.
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