It is difficult to recognize a NARCISSIST because he (or she) spends all of his time acting, protecting his ego by presenting to the world a mask, a false image of himself. Consequently he becomes a master of deceit. But it is extremely important to be able to recognize people whose behavior is detrimental to them, or to their organization's performance. A narcissist is not capable of putting the organization's needs before his or her own needs.
Researchers have found that a narcissist reacts much more emotionally than a non-narcissist, sometimes with "narcissistic rage" when his (or her) ego is threatened.Ref Social comparison information is especially salient as the narcissist processes social information in terms of its relevance to the self, that is, he reacts to negative feedback with more anger and aggression and lower self-esteem than a non-narcissist. In fact his mood and self-esteem fluctuations can usually be attributed to social comparison information."OVERALL, INDIVIDUALS HIGH IN NARCISSISM DISPLAYED AMPLIFIED RESPONSES TO SOCIAL COMPARISON INFORMATION, EXPERIENCING GREATER POSITIVE AFFECT FROM DOWNWARD COMPARISONS AND GREATER HOSTILE AFFECT FROM UPWARD COMPARISONS."REFFOR EXAMPLE, IT HAS BEEN RECOGNIZED FOR SOME TIME THAT NARCISSISTS PRIZE INTELLECTUAL PERFORMANCE ABOVE ALMOST EVERYTHING ELSE,REF SO A BETTER QUALIFIED WORK COLLEAGUE WOULD LIKELY EVOKE A HOSTILE AFFECT THROUGH UPWARD COMPARISON.BECAUSE OF A PROPENSITY TO INTERNALIZE FAILURE, THE NARCISSIST'S EMOTIONAL RESPONSE TO FAILURE IS TO FEEL SHAME, AS OPPOSED TO GUILT FELT BY PEOPLE WITHOUT THE DISORDER. SO IN ORDER TO AVOID SHAME, WHICH THE NARCISSIST FEELS MUST BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS, HE EXTERNALIZES BLAME FOR NEGATIVE EVENTS.REF AS HE FEELS "SOMEONE" must be guilty, he almost always attributes blame to others. Only when his self-esteem is particularly high, perhaps through some positive feedback he has engineered, does he accept blame, and only then if it can be seen as a magnanimous gesture.A narcissist is someone who is overtly or subtly arrogant, exhibitionistic, vain, manipulative, and greedy for admiration.Ref Narcissistic rage, character assassination and projection are some of the overt ways in which the narcissist expresses himself. For example, she may envy a work colleague's beauty, and project her feelings into her colleague by accusing "her" of being envious. Projection in teams is particularly prevalent.The denial of remorse and gratitude by the narcissist are two of the more subtle ways used to protect an internal sense of grandiosity.Ref An example of a narcissist's ability to be subtle might be when he arrives late for a meeting. Rather than offer a sincere apology, he may blame someone else for keeping him talking, thus externalizing the fault ("It's not my fault") and maintaining his sense of grandiosity.Despite tending to be exhibitionistic, it is very rare to hear a narcissist brag or boast. Instead, he (or she) tends to 'drop' information in the form of an ostensibly ordinary matter-of-fact report, which appears to be intended to elicit admiration without asking for it. For example, rather than say, "I was so please to meet our CEO, Peter Smith", he will casually allude to "...lunch with Peter", in a way that induces a sense of distance and inferiority in the recipient of the information; again maintaining his sense of grandiosity.RefA distinction must be made between 'normal' or 'healthy' narcissism on the one hand and 'pathological' narcissism on the other. We all have some degree and variety of narcissistic delusion which, if it is not too great, is normal and healthy. But the pathological narcissist has a level of delusion that is divorced from reality.RefKernberg used a theoretical frame to differentiate between 'normal' and 'pathological' narcissism, combining ego psychology and object relations theory. Normal narcissism refers to well integrated representations of the self and others, whilst pathological narcissism relates to an impaired intrapsychic structure with grandiose self-representation and a severe pathology in object relations.Ref Lubit compared 'healthy' and 'destructive' narcissism in relation to their long-term impact on organizations. The following is an extract from his comparison table.Ref
CHARACTERISTIC
HEALTHY NARCISSISM
DESTRUCTIVE NARCISSISM
Self-confident
High outward self-confidence in line with reality
Grandiose
Desire for power, wealth and admiration
May enjoy power
Pursues power at all costs, lacks normal inhibitions in its pursuit
Relationships
Real concern for others and their ideas; does not exploit or devalue others
Concerns limited to expressing socially appropriate response when convenient; devalues and exploits others without remorse
Ability to follow a consistent path
Has values; follows through on plans
Lacks values; easily bored; often changes course
Foundation
Healthy childhood with support for self-esteem and appropriate limits on behaviour towards others
Traumatic childhood undercutting true sense of self-esteem and/or learning that he/she doesn't need to be considerate of others
It is rare for a narcissistic individual to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder because those who really should be don't seek help and so don't get clinically assessed; it is usually members of their family or work colleagues who seek help to cope with "them".Here are a few pointers that may help you identify one:
* Their lack of empathy colors everything they do. They may say, "How are you?" when you meet, but they are working from memory. They are not interested in how you are.
* Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority (mirroring).
* Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
* They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
* Listen for the constant use of "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.
* They very rarely talk about their inner life, for example their memories and dreams.
* They feel that the rules at work don't apply to them.
* They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
* If you share workload with them expect to do the lion's share yourself.
* They love to delegate work or projects, then interfere by micro-managing it. If it goes well, they take the credit, if it goes badly they blame the person they delegated it to.
* There tends to be higher levels of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
* They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.
There are many other behavioural characteristics exhibited by the narcissist. A good account of them is given by Joanna Ashmun. Or you can do a free online test for narcissism. One way to recognize a narcissist is to trust in your own intuition. As Sam Vaknin put it, "One feels ill at ease in the presence of a narcissist for no apparent reason. No matter how charming, intelligent, thought provoking, outgoing, easy going and social the narcissist is - he fails to secure the sympathy of others, a sympathy he is never ready, willing, or able to reciprocate."My book, "NARCISSISM: BEHIND THE MASK", contains the information on this Web site, revised and expanded where necessary and augmented by anecdotes and case studies, and more.
"Narcissism: Behind the Mask"; buy from Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com
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