WHY COMMUNICATE HONESTLY WITH YOUR MOTHER?
The basis of honest communication lies in being true to yourself and acting in harmony with your thoughts and feelings. Nothing good comes out of keeping negative emotions to yourself. Trying to protect your mother's feelings by keeping silent when she has hurt you will just backfire. You will end up hurting yourself by trying not to hurt her.
There was once when my mother said a hurtful comment to me that I was not as smart as my sister. In trying not to confront her about it, I spent many nights secretly crying myself to sleep. Guess how long I spent feeling that I wasn't good enough because of that comment? 8 years. During this time, I always felt a barrier between myself and my mother. It wasn't a conscious decision to distance myself from her, but a mental block just existed preventing us from having a intimate relationship. Unknowingly, keeping my feelings of hurt created a separation from my mother and stopped us from having a satisfying mother-daughter relationship.
Choosing not to communicate honestly with your mother may seem like the easier path but keeping your negative emotions inside will prevent you from living a fulfilling life. Be true to yourself and act in harmony with how you really feel inside to have a more self loving relationship. You will thank yourself for expressing your emotions and letting your mother know that her comments hurt you.
SHOULD I REALLY LET MY MOTHER KNOW THAT HER COMMENT WAS HURTFUL?
All mothers love their children, even if they don't know how to express themselves. Their actions of love may not be what you prefer or like, but deep down they really do care a lot for you. Mother-daughter relationships are especially powerful in that they will never replace any other female relationships you have. She held you first when you were born, brought you shopping and taught you about puberty and boys. She could never hold a grudge against you for communicating honestly with her.
WHY EXPRESSING YOURSELF HONESTLY BENEFITS YOU BY IMPROVING THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER?
When I finally told my mother that I was hurt by her comment 8 years ago, I had a great sense of achievement for standing up for myself and speaking my truth. My insane fears of dying if my mother ever found out that she hurt me did not come true at all. In fact, the fears left me and made me feel more confident to express my feelings to her. She even apologized and said that it was in no way her intention to hurt me, and was sorry that I had to live with the damage to self esteem for all that time. We communicate much more honestly with each other now and I feel comfortable to share with her about anything. It is much easier because the psychological barrier has been torn down.
HOW CAN YOU START TO COMMUNICATE HONESTLY?
Start a conversation with "Mummy, I love you but I feel that your comments are hurtful sometimes" or "Mummy, I love you and this is what I feel like saying". You could do it over the phone or write a letter as a start.
Getting in touch with your emotions and expressing them is not always easy. It takes courage to stand up to someone who has hurt you and speak your truth out of self love. Be honest with yourself by going within and asking how you really feel when your mother makes hurtful comments. Then communicate them to her with respect and love. This harmony between what you think and your actions will bring much more peace and joy in your life.
Sueyan Lim Shuyan shares relationship advice for young women. She co-founded http://www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com/ with her sister to share their experiences with young women on how they can love themselves more and more each day.
It is a daily choice to stand up for yourself and communicate honestly how you feel inside to the people who hurt you. Stay true to yourself and harmonize your thoughts, emotions and actions. Click here to join thousands of women who want to improve their relationships with their mom by loving themselves more and expressing themselves honestly.
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